Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
