it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
