I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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