i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Green mimosas i think yes
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
