I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
