Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
