i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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