I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
