I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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