dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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