I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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