its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
