Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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