your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
