I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
