there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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