you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
