Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
