Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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