Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
