i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
