What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
