brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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