Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
