Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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