I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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