Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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