I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
