Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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