the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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