I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
