Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize