New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
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