I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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