I'm laying in your front yard are you home
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
