So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
