i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
