I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
