im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
