Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize