i need an iv and a liver transplant
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
