yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
