girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize