so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
