Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
