whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
