i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
