Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
