yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
