You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
