There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
