I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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