I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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