We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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