Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
