I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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