he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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