Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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