Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
