I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
