you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
