Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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