Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
