it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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