i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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