I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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