Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
