Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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