one word: firstdatebathroomanal
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
