I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
this beer tastes like vomit already
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
