Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
