Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
