Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
