did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just pee around me
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
