from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Randomize
