i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
