He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
