The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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