If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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