I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
