just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
birth control should be required to get into college
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
