so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
