I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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