She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
