the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
