About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
