Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
