I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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