i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize