I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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