Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
