We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
