Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
