I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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