and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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