we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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