I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
