I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
