Kiss
Puke
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
