Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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