We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
