I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
